A woman in midlife tries to start a workout routine but struggles to set the habit and asks how to stay strong when you hate exercise? Jessica offers some ideas on how to find an exercise regime that works for you.
Ask Jessica is an advice column for women in midlife. We cover all things related to midlife from changing bodies to career transitions to parenting teens to sandwich generation challenges to shifts in marital or life partnerships and everything in between. My hope is that in sharing these questions and answers I can women as we face the midlife journey together. Got a question or challenge you would like me to address? Fill out this form to submit your issue! Want to see the answers to other questions, check out our archive here.
How To Stay Strong When You Hate Exercise
HEY JESSICA: For my New Year’s resolution this year I set myself the goal of working out 3 days a week. It went well for all of January – I managed to work out for 45 minutes 3 times a week for the whole month. But then this month it has started to slip. The first and second weeks of February I managed to work out twice, but then in the past two weeks I’ve only gotten one workout in. When I ask myself why it is that I can’t make this habit stick, I think part of it is finding the time, but the other reason I think it’s hard for me is that I just don’t enjoy exercising. I never get that “runner’s high” or feel rejuvenated afterwards. I just feel tired and sweaty. Do you have any advice on how I can actually make this habit stick because I do want to stay strong as I age, I just hate the exercise part. ~Love to be Lazy
DEAR LOVE TO BE LAZY:
First off, I want to challenge you about identifying yourself as lazy. You aren’t lazy! The fact that you showed up for yourself like that for a whole month and then kept working on it for another month shows that you are anything but lazy!
It sounds to me like the challenge is not related to motivation, but rather about finding the right activity. When we set the goal for ourselves to exercise more, we usually lean towards classic exercise regimes such as taking up running or going to the gym, but the truth is that there are so many other amazing ways to move and strengthen our bodies – the trick is finding the ones that work for you.
In working with clients who have a goal of trying to exercise more, one of the things that I have found to be helpful is to start with a reframe: instead of thinking about exercise, think about movement. What do I mean by that? Well, when we think of exercise we tend to think about pushing ourselves hard – to the point of exhaustion, sore muscles, etc. But if we think about movement, that can help us both to enter into this new regime a bit more gently (smaller habit changes are usually easier to stick with than dramatic ones) and it can also broaden our thinking about what activities can be used to make our bodies stronger.
The next step is to think about what physical activities you actually enjoy doing. Do you like to be outside or inside? Do you prefer faster- or slower-paced activities? Are you an adrenaline junky or do you like to feel secure? Do you like being around other people or having time to yourself? What are some physical activities that you enjoy when you do them for fun (e.g., swimming, dancing, cycling, hiking, walking)?
Then it’s about getting creative and seeing what might work. Let’s say you are someone who likes to be outside, moving at a slower-pace, and feeling secure, while being around other people. Then, maybe you could find a walking or hiking group to join. If, on the other hand, you are someone who loves dancing, but don’t feel comfortable being around other people when you don’t know what you’re doing, then perhaps YouTube or Peloton Zumba or aerobics classes might be a good option. If you’re an adrenaline junky, then perhaps trying out a new sport like rock climbing or aerial yoga might be in the cards for you. If you like being around other people, but want a slow-paced option that is inside, then yoga or Pilates might be the perfect option. The point is, there are so many ways to move our bodies and get stronger, we don’t need to limit ourselves to what we think of as the standard options.
I also think it’s important to ask yourself how goal-setting might help. Now, maybe you’re someone who is motivated by weight loss or appearance changes and, if so, you can use that. But, I have found that oftentimes those sorts of goals actually make people feel defeated when they don’t see immediate results. So, instead, I recommend thinking about goals that either have a practical impact on your life or will lead to a real sense of satisfaction. So, for instance, maybe your practical goal is to get in better shape so can easily get up and down from the floor when you’re playing with your kids. Or maybe you want to get strong enough that you can carry more than one heavy grocery bag at a time when you get home from the weekly shop. Examples of goals that give a real sense of satisfaction might be getting into good enough shape that you can complete a challenging hike you have always wanted to do this coming summer, or getting strong enough that you can do 10 pushups in a row. The point is to set a goal that matters to you, that motivates you, that inspires you.
And, finally, I want to touch on carving out time. While it sounds like you started out strong with your plan for 45 minutes 3 times a week, sometimes finding big chunks of time like that can be hard. If this is the case for you, then I recommend smaller, more frequent exercise options that can integrate really smoothly into your life. So, for instance, you can try going to for a fast-paced 15-minute walk during lunch 5 days a week, coupled with stretching or body weight exercises in your kitchen for 5 minutes in the morning while your coffee brews. Or it could be a 20-minute workout three times a week, plus a 10-minute walk after dinner each evening. The idea here is smaller chunks, done more frequently can be easier to integrate into your life.
So, please stop putting yourself through misery and guilt and, instead, find something that brings you joy, try it out in small chunks, and then you can always build up from there. You’ve got this!